by Sharmini Jayawardena
In an apartment tucked away in a remote corner of the out skirts of KL at 9:19/27th July 2015: Miss American Pie by Don Mclean plays on Wake Up with Classic Rock on TV. (hearing the song after ages. Refreshing and invigorating)
26th July 2015 around 21hrs +…Actually feeling heartbroken, she was. Miss, Vichitra very much. Don’t even know how he feels for me, about me, about us!!
She was feeling soooo sad for the first time after ages. That he’s not around not even in that extremely elusive way like he did before, was more than saddening.
She didn’t even know how he felt about something called US!! (Although just now, 20.04, Tarindra, her cousin from SL WhatsApped with an answer to what she hoped for. To her text to her, on her yearning for and belief for a bright future, with a finite “Yeah”)
That was nice. Relieving.
At the same time on Astro cable TV, Fun Asia All Stars was showing on TLC, the Travel and Life Channel, Janet and Bob in the Cow Poop Pit: )) stomping the cow pats in Taiwan. (Reminding her of her friend’s new word for her: cowpoke!!)Taiwan was significant for more than one reason. Just last night Peter Kuruvita was with Janet Hseih on the same show. Also it was a successful and down to earth island country. Not forgetting that key tag on the key to her friend’s house which housed the Golden Retriever whom she had to feed a few weeks ago (in real time), but didn’t, had Taiwan carved on it. Vichitra had told her that his college day pet in Cal was a Golden Retriever.
So these were indeed signs!! He was near. As he said in his chats: “I like those in the periphery/in the peasantry/in the South/the Vanniyala Atthos*.”
It was devastation none the less. Here was this man whom she picked up through the fb page of a friend’s friend whom she had fallen in love with hook, line and sinker. More like music, TV and social media. She had not spoken to him once on the phone either. Didn’t know what his voice sounded like. Didn’t know what he looked like except in pix he had posted on fb. That too, with some blond woman towering over him literally. Besides he kept saying he was “taken” and spoke lovingly of this “partner” of his!! Though for what it was worth, he would rather spend hours into his nights (her late afternoons as they were separated by everything possible including time zones!!), chatting with her on Messenger.
He was not the usual guy she usually would go for either. He called himself a nerd. She remembers she corrected him saying he was a geek or some such!!
She first opened a fb account only coz a friend said she should do so. She had held back for a long time. She didn’t want to be so connected. But by and by she just did so out of sheer curiosity and then it was only a handful of close friends and family.
Then in the throes of sullying forth to help a friend with her blog on Sri Lankan politics, and thereafter being given the task of administrating its fb page she expanded her contacts on her own page to drive traffic to the blog’s fb. For, she had created this fun loving persona of herself in her own page and she was determined to get the younger people to join the blog. She did achieve this goal more or less. But what went on to take place further was that she started getting active on her fb and commenting on her friends’ pages regularly. In fact too regularly.
(All this may seem all too forced, yet not for her now in retrospect though)
She was soon addicted to Vichitra’s page as he posted stuff on everything she had gained knowledge on and enjoyed by watching TV programmes that interested her. Who would think that some random or many would be following her every movement to make her do that very thing which she had once taken on and ended becoming burned and sick, ending herself in hospital for a month and indisposed for two years …!!
She was lured into a scenario, let’s say then.
(She would have gone into it again with her eyes open and if someone or even more wanted it done as it was for the benefit of the multitude for years to come for the future of man and of woman and child and of animal…)
She was totally hooked on him, his page and everything he stood for as he poured out his mind and heart to her.
His fb page said where he works and he had told her what he does. Being an engineer of many hues, a physicist and also of late a confirmed committed humanist, she didn’t need rocket science to know that he knew all the right buttons to push where she was concerned. His touch was different. Literally and figuratively even though he kept saying she needed to be factual and not metaphorical.
(I’m overwhelmed. Every now and again you come back and lay down by my side and hug me tight. You let me kiss you hard every once in a while. Even take me to that “secret place”, that “super magic black hole” you spoke of and give me stinging/stunning desire. “Turn me upside down n inside out*”)
So her desire for synergy and synchronicity being met as she said in her story came as no surprise to her and it was no more difficult for him than taking a banana from an orang utang.
Seemed like he had a dossier on her implanted or imprinted via a chip of some sort in his head. He was a living robot. He knew her inside out, biologically, physically, psychologically, physiologically, historically and geographically…as they say now. There’s no doubt that science advanced in its’ R&D while we slept. But this!! This was another tale altogether. One she never bargained for.
They were in totally fused interaction with each other through every sort of media including their own minds and hearts… sweeping across winds, levitating and flying.
Now, she had been through this before as she said, but not in this precise and attention-to-detail way that she herself was adept at but never expected of another. Perfection on another level. (it is 12.04/27th July, and Rocket Man by Elton John plays on Classic Rock) She had been through this before but compared to this mathematical exactitude and yet not way of his, (he said he was primarily prone to math but also go about things in a – by trial n error blundering way), putting the earlier time to shame. That was ‘child’s’ play.
It didn’t even feel like déjà vous, even though she recalled one fb contact making mention of it. It did not occur to her even then. Such was the stealth!!
He was everywhere: internet radio, pc, TV, smart phone, social media: WhatsApp, Viber, and now Skype, something called Twoo, (which brought into focus the “eye” of the beholder and the “owl” into the pic, being yet another sign), and every sort of App that was on her phone and email. It was all so synergized that her day to day affairs and ablutions were tied to this process including what she called the “waterfalls”, the sound of water pouring down through the exposed pipes in her toilets. They all told a tale or gave a signal including even the car horns from those in the parking lots below just like he said you read the dregs from coffee dregs of left over coffee cups and legs of wine glasses she had then quipped on his fb page.
28th July 2015: And now on YouTube too!!
But what was amazing was that she was able to remember and recall everything from memory, “from scratch”, and make this entire project become a success ultimately. At times she was taken back, and taken way back to her past, past lives of eons gone even to the beginning of time…Leviathan times!! Then she would break down. Completely break down and start again when she was faced with the enormity of all her sins and finished, and then she finally scoured the air through the spaces and connected with his heart and her deep, deep love for him. And the process would and could begin again.
On 18-10-11 she wrote:
The Written Word
Bizarre, which Gene Sharp
wrote and published or
printed the book
from dictatorship to freedom
all around the world
also wrote in poetry
and in fiction or
other forms of expression
the same thing
coz we are all
or dish antennae
and while the revolution
happened a middle class
woman sat in a loony
home in a poor suburban
third world destination
and envisioned that
the revolution was
going to be a bloodless
one, one which
came out of loving
kindness of the other
world, one which this
may call counter culture
and that may call
but the revolution
had turned and
the visionary or –nator
and others like her
(It is 12.26/27th July Abracadabra by Steve Miller Band* is on Classic Rock)
In this process where he sought answers from her from beyond as she had the power of reading the past, the present and the future and connecting the dots in a kind of trance with the help from all sorts of entertainment media and technology and her deity, the Bodhisattva Kuan Yin, the Goddess of Mercy, Kindness, Love and Compassion: He had succeeded where other lesser mortals had failed. Miraculous effects were taking place before her very eyes. The ‘Eye’ also being a most vital component part of the Bodhisattva, she learned later, which he had taken on and said was to protect her, of which she was at first awfully fearful of for reminding her of past intrigues.
But He had once said in their chats “I’m only reading your mind, sweetie”
(Now 12.35 and Cranberries playing Zombie* on Classic Rock)
Now she has fallen in love with him. Now she doesn’t know what science that is either. Now she waits for him daily though he said to her while talking to her through the Matrix, through the TV music channel, that he would be there in September. That’s all cool. But the knots of emotions that has throttled inside of her raising carnage raging havoc forces her to feel that what she cannot bear since his disappearance all of a sudden from even appearing as a spirit – unbearable!
(12.44/27th July and Wherever I may Roam by Mettalica* is playing)
She did feel him around her up until today and it feels lonely no end. Terribly lonely, alone and sad that he’s’ not there. Gone. With all this connections, these seamless connections he and she are a celestial/terrestrial match made some where beyond in the stratosphere somewhere in the Universe reaching inside within the depths of their hearts and their souls of their very living, haunting beings themselves.
Do come back to me, soon more-than-angel and make me yours and you mine.
“I love you…(yeah, yeah)…now and forever” John Lennon in Woman*.
Her tears had subsided. Even as she wrote. For she had sufficiently immortalized their relationship. Yes!! He was now returned through the rock songs to her)
21.57/26th July 2015
“The meeting (between Rumi and Shams) had brought about a unique peace and restlessness. For Rumi it brought the dawn of a new world, a living, pushing force, an élan vital, a divine sympathy, a feeling which penetrates the very essence of things” p 118 of The Life and Work of Jala-Ud-Din Rumi by Afzal Iqbal, The Romance of Revolution.
She was reading this in the morning before writing the story about them while Classic Rock played in the background.
13.40/27th July 2015
*Indigenous People of Sri Lanka
*Song by Diana Ross